Having a kid changes everything. Having four – changes everything so much, its almost back to normal – almost – it is 10 feet short – which is right in the supercrazyholycrapwhatdidIgetmyselfinto zone. I love my kids, and I wouldn’t change a thing – now – but here are 25 things that are different after you have kids that I am sure we can all relate to.
- It doesn’t matter what they are doing, when you answer you phone they will inevitably need you for something.
- Spending “time” with my wife has now evolved to “we are going to shower”.
- Going to the bathroom has become a community event
- The TV remote no longer belongs to me
- All dreams of a fancy sports car are deterred for 40 years
- “Fancy” and “Nice” things are bought at Walmart
- Toilet paper and paper towels are bought in bulk at Sam’s Club (on every trip)
- I swear more (but not in front of the kids, I swear)
- My feet will never get used to stepping on sharp toys in the middle of the night
- “Clean” is when the house is picked up and the counters are wiped off
- “Deep cleaned” is when the house is picked up, the counters are wiped off, and I’ve lit a candle to hide the smell.
- New furniture is a new blanket or couch cover thrown over the old couch or love seat that has chocolate, sucker, licorice, juice, makeup, pee and of course permanent marker stains. The smell is “freshened” to new couch smell with Febreze. 🙂
- Date night consists of making arrangements with a baby sitter and being home no later than 10pm (are we 16 again?). Oh, and after spending all of your money on dinner and a movie you still have to pay the baby sitter. (nope – just parents)
- Wet wipes have multiple uses besides babies bum. And as the kids get old enough to want to potty train, you will start to hear, “Dad…I’m done…..Wipe My Butt!”. Of course there is also washing of the arms, face and legs after anything is eaten, cleaning stains off of clothes and the floors, walls, counters, and beds. Playing doctor, and even blankets for their animals.
- That special moment that you might have planned for tonight can and will be obsolete the minute your kid throws up in your hair and down the front of your shirt.
- Your “special favorite meal” whether it be an Arby’s sandwich or a homemade nachos will turn into the family snack followed by “what’s for dinner?”
- Ranch, cheese, and spaghetti sauce make everything taste better.
- Ice cream is wanted for every meal.
- “Privacy” is no longer in my vocabulary. Be careful because little eyes will always be watching, except at 2 in the morning, maybe…
- Deductibles for medical bills are always met.
- Little arms to love you, hold you, hug you, and give you unconditional love without question.
- Every “booboo” is made better with band-aids and kisses.
- You are a super hero everyday. Your kids believe that you can do anything! And they know that you are the best at everything!
- You are now a Parent and are no longer responsible for just yourself, but for the overall welfare, teaching, caretaking, healthcare, mouthfeeding, diaper changing, protecting, and realizing that no one else will ever love your child as much as you do.
- You will never have enough time to spend with your children. You will cherish every moment whether good or bad. You will forget what life was like prior to your children, because you won’t want to even imagine what life would be like without your children. The overall joy that one child will bring to your life and the bond that you will form because of the child’s dependency on you is the “Pure Love” that so many people seek and is what holds firmly together your relationship. And when those little arms wrap around you and cuddle into your arms to fall asleep knowing that you are there to protect them from the boogie man or the monster hiding under their bed, you will never forget and you will crave that precious moment over and over and never want it to end.
I am not complaining. I love all of the adventures that come with being a parent. I wouldn’t change anything in this world. I love my kids more than anything else (except my wife) and they will all be the best part of me always. I just wanted to share some of the funny things we have experienced over the years. I hope you can relate…
What has changed for you since you have had kids?